a wedding and a funeral

So in the past 48 hours, I have attended both a wedding and a funeral. I suppose this does not happen for most people very often and I have observed several things I would like to share. Although the phrase “a wedding and a funeral” are used together quite often, I didn’t realize how many similarities there really are between the two…

Weddings and funerals, for the most part, take place in churches. They both are events where people come together – people who may not know each other, people who may have not seen others in quite some time, and a combination of family and friends. Weddings and funerals are supposed to both be celebrations of life – one being 2 lives joined as one, and the latter being a celebration of a life well lived. At both events, you will see flowers, hear songs, and say prayers or blessings. At both weddings and funerals, you can see people crying. At both events, and obviously this is only intensified based on your relationship with the person the event is about, but there is something about death that shakes you to the core no matter what your relationship was with the loved one who passed away – makes you think about what matters, what doesn’t – what you would want said about you at your own funeral. Isn’t the same true at weddings? You think about what you would want your wedding to be like, what things you want to represent with your significant other in front of friends and family. And finally – in most cases, at both events, there is a reception where people can talk and eat together after a formal ceremony or service.

Why is that? Why do we celebrate these things so similarly, when obviously our feelings about them are so different? Sure – there are differences – such as the color white is what the bride wears to her wedding, while everyone at a funeral is supposed to wear black. Weddings are planned. Funerals are unplanned. The parents of the bride and groom are congratulated; the parents of the deceased are consoled and mourned with. The proclamation of joy and happiness is so evident in a wedding, while at a funeral – people are grasping at hope and a promise of joy for a loved one gone on “to a better place”.

Perhaps we don’t know what else to do when someone dies. We just know we need people around us to mourn with us. Perhaps we weren’t created to mourn alone. After all – back in the day, you would even hire mourners on behalf of your passed loved one. We know that we need Jesus. We need Him so much more than we realize, even if we don’t say Him by name – He is the only reason to hope – and where do people search for hope? In a church. We give ourselves an opportunity to love on people we have not seen in a while, perhaps that we are even estranged from. We gain perspective about what is important in life and somehow, this is more simply seen in the light of big events in our lives – weddings and funerals. And finally, perhaps the reception is the time, where at both events, people are just themselves – at a funeral, they can smile and maybe even laugh a bit and that’s ok – at a wedding, they can dance the twist and be silly with those they love. Whether we realize it or not, we soak up every moment at both weddings and funerals. Perhaps we are afraid we will forget the person who has passed away or we are afraid to forget all the good times we are currently having.

While, you may think I am perhaps an unlucky person to have to go to a funeral the day after I went to a wedding, I disagree with you. And this is why…I got to celebrate two of my most unlikely friendships that I am forever changed by. Some others may think it is a bit morbid to talk about someone’s wedding at the same time as someone who has passed on – but just remember – both are celebrations of life and so that is what I hope to do with my two friends.

My friend Heather, who died on 5/24/12, was an unlikely friend. We had little in common and we would have never been paired naturally together. However, little did I realize how connected our hearts really were. We both participated in the Tampa Urban Project in the summer of 2003 but the time when I really remembered connecting with you is the summer of 2005 when we went to Mexico City and all over Guatemala together. Esta bien! J Ah – just reading over what you wrote to me at the end of our trip makes me miss you so much Heather. How I struggled so much during that trip, perhaps more than you ever knew, and how you were there for me, even when you didn’t understand. I remember crying with you over the poverty and injustice we encountered in Guatemala and Mexico and wrestling with you over what we should do with all that when we went home. I remember the way you embraced any culture and people group we encountered and loved with abandon. You encouraged me as we struggled through speaking Spanish to the people. I remember the way you served – I am pretty sure you worked harder than anyone else on that trip. I wish I would have had another opportunity to just reminisce with you about our weeks abroad – only you know how it felt to leave our friends in Guatemala – literally feeling my heart break, and yet oh so joyful that we got the experience the beauty of the country of Guatemala and come back with the most generous friends on the face of this earth. I am pretty sure I have you quoted in my bible still of saying “beauty and poverty co-exist”. After the trip, we became roommates, along with multiple other people of course. I particularly remember that I’m pretty sure Heather could not get off her bed without doing a back flip or some other gymnastic trick. While I am fully aware that this was one of the most broken years of my life to date, I remember you Heather – I remember your hugs and what your voice sounds like – always so gracious and loving – never holding back. I remember getting the chance to be there for you as well during what you call “your moments” – and I loved seeing the Lord work in your life. Little did I realize, later, even when we were not living in the same house or even around the same people anymore, how we were still connected with our struggles. Struggles of not fitting into anyone’s boxes – and we struggled because we wanted to fit. And there were a lot of people around us that seemed to fit, remember? So, the Lord took us away for a while, for Him to teach us in a different way. You went to California and experienced God in new ways out in the wilderness, just as you were created to do. I am really happy you got to do that. Heather – you will not be forgotten and I hope to see you again one day soon my friend.

My friend Kylie, who got married yesterday, was an unlikely friend. I shared at her reception yesterday that I was not a fan of Kylie at first. She kept to herself and seemed very standoffish. On top of that – she liked country J. She started coming to the Lifegroup I lead about 2 years ago with her boyfriend of 1 year, at the time. They were just starting to follow God at this time. Her boyfriend Ricky talked a lot, asked a lot of questions and seemed to be really engaged in learning about the bible. I was never sure where Kylie was at with all of this but she was not very approachable either. She seemed really busy with school, work, Ricky, and a big family she is a part of. I wish I could tell you when I started to feel differently about Kylie but I am not sure I know exactly. About a year and a half ago, Kylie moved into the apartment on the 3^rd floor of my building. She stayed busy but talked a bit more in Lifegroup. I saw that she was much more independent of Ricky, in a good way, than I ever gave her credit for. Kylie is definitely someone who knows who she is and makes time for the people in her life. I remember how she supported me during my first real break-up. Eventually, we became closer and closer – it was so nice having a friend in the same apartment complex. She had Lifegroup in her apartment and I began to see how hospitable and serving she really is. I can really say that about 9 months ago, when things around and in my life became really chaotic, Kylie was one of the main people who made it out with me in the end – through a series of crises with one of our other friends, through one bad decision after another, a few good cries, and through a whole lot of laughter and joy – I was able to stand next to her yesterday and proclaim that I will support her union to Ricky, whom I love dearly as well. When she moved out of my apartment complex a few months ago, I realized that I would miss her being around, something I hadn’t anticipated before. Kylie is one of those people that I am confident would not only find me if I went missing, and would deal with whomever hurt me, but also the one that would get on a plane on a random day, at a random time – not just if I needed her, but even if I refused to say I needed her but she knew that I did, just to simply make sure I was ok. And Kylie – even though we disagree about the best kind of music and about the battle between the beignet vs. the pizookie, I am so very thankful for you, my dear friend, and the friendship that we have. Thank you for all the joy you bring to my life and those around you. I love you mucho! Let me know when you and Ricky would like to have Max and I over for dinner. J

“there is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven: a time to be born and a time to die, a time to plant and a time to uproot, a time to kill and a time to heal, a time to tear down and a time to build, a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance, a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them, a time to embrace and a time to refrain..” Ecclesiastes 3:1-5.

Green House Girls - Heather is in the middle with her face being attacked by Estelle :) 

Kylie and I - 6/4/12