So in the past 48 hours, I have attended both a wedding and
a funeral. I suppose this does not happen for most people very often and I have
observed several things I would like to share. Although the phrase “a wedding
and a funeral” are used together quite often, I didn’t realize how many
similarities there really are between the two…
Weddings and funerals, for the most part, take place in
churches. They both are events where people come together – people who may not
know each other, people who may have not seen others in quite some time, and a
combination of family and friends. Weddings and funerals are supposed to both
be celebrations of life – one being 2 lives joined as one, and the latter being
a celebration of a life well lived. At both events, you will see flowers, hear
songs, and say prayers or blessings. At both weddings and funerals, you can see
people crying. At both events, and obviously this is only intensified based on
your relationship with the person the event is about, but there is something
about death that shakes you to the core no matter what your relationship was
with the loved one who passed away – makes you think about what matters, what
doesn’t – what you would want said about you at your own funeral. Isn’t the
same true at weddings? You think about what you would want your wedding to be
like, what things you want to represent with your significant other in front of
friends and family. And finally – in most cases, at both events, there is a
reception where people can talk and eat together after a formal ceremony or
service.
Why is that? Why do we celebrate these things so similarly,
when obviously our feelings about them are so different? Sure – there are
differences – such as the color white is what the bride wears to her wedding,
while everyone at a funeral is supposed to wear black. Weddings are planned.
Funerals are unplanned. The parents of the bride and groom are congratulated;
the parents of the deceased are consoled and mourned with. The proclamation of
joy and happiness is so evident in a wedding, while at a funeral – people are
grasping at hope and a promise of joy for a loved one gone on “to a better
place”.
Perhaps we don’t know what else to do when someone dies. We
just know we need people around us to mourn with us. Perhaps we weren’t created
to mourn alone. After all – back in the day, you would even hire mourners on
behalf of your passed loved one. We know that we need Jesus. We need Him so
much more than we realize, even if we don’t say Him by name – He is the only
reason to hope – and where do people search for hope? In a church. We give
ourselves an opportunity to love on people we have not seen in a while, perhaps
that we are even estranged from. We gain perspective about what is important in
life and somehow, this is more simply seen in the light of big events in our
lives – weddings and funerals. And finally, perhaps the reception is the time,
where at both events, people are just themselves – at a funeral, they can smile
and maybe even laugh a bit and that’s ok – at a wedding, they can dance the
twist and be silly with those they love. Whether we realize it or not, we soak
up every moment at both weddings and funerals. Perhaps we are afraid we will
forget the person who has passed away or we are afraid to forget all the good
times we are currently having.
While, you may think I am perhaps an unlucky person to have
to go to a funeral the day after I went to a wedding, I disagree with you. And
this is why…I got to celebrate two of my most unlikely friendships that I am
forever changed by. Some others may think it is a bit morbid to talk about
someone’s wedding at the same time as someone who has passed on – but just
remember – both are celebrations of life and so that is what I hope to do with
my two friends.
My friend Heather, who died on 5/24/12, was an unlikely
friend. We had little in common and we would have never been paired naturally
together. However, little did I realize how connected our hearts really were.
We both participated in the Tampa Urban Project in the summer of 2003 but the
time when I really remembered connecting with you is the summer of 2005 when we
went to Mexico City and all over Guatemala together. Esta bien! J
Ah – just reading over what you wrote to me at the end of our trip makes me
miss you so much Heather. How I struggled so much during that trip, perhaps
more than you ever knew, and how you were there for me, even when you didn’t
understand. I remember crying with you over the poverty and injustice we
encountered in Guatemala and Mexico and wrestling with you over what we should
do with all that when we went home. I remember the way you embraced any culture
and people group we encountered and loved with abandon. You encouraged me as we
struggled through speaking Spanish to the people. I remember the way you served
– I am pretty sure you worked harder than anyone else on that trip. I wish I
would have had another opportunity to just reminisce with you about our weeks
abroad – only you know how it felt to leave our friends in Guatemala –
literally feeling my heart break, and yet oh so joyful that we got the
experience the beauty of the country of Guatemala and come back with the most
generous friends on the face of this earth. I am pretty sure I have you quoted
in my bible still of saying “beauty and poverty co-exist”. After the trip, we
became roommates, along with multiple other people of course. I particularly
remember that I’m pretty sure Heather could not get off her bed without doing a
back flip or some other gymnastic trick. While I am fully aware that this was
one of the most broken years of my life to date, I remember you Heather – I
remember your hugs and what your voice sounds like – always so gracious and
loving – never holding back. I remember getting the chance to be there for you
as well during what you call “your moments” – and I loved seeing the Lord work
in your life. Little did I realize, later, even when we were not living in the
same house or even around the same people anymore, how we were still connected
with our struggles. Struggles of not fitting into anyone’s boxes – and we
struggled because we wanted to fit. And there were a lot of people around us
that seemed to fit, remember? So, the Lord took us away for a while, for Him to
teach us in a different way. You went to California and experienced God in new
ways out in the wilderness, just as you were created to do. I am really happy
you got to do that. Heather – you will not be forgotten and I hope to see you
again one day soon my friend.
My friend Kylie, who got married yesterday, was an unlikely
friend. I shared at her reception yesterday that I was not a fan of Kylie at
first. She kept to herself and seemed very standoffish. On top of that – she
liked country J. She started coming to the Lifegroup I lead about 2
years ago with her boyfriend of 1 year, at the time. They were just starting to
follow God at this time. Her boyfriend Ricky talked a lot, asked a lot of
questions and seemed to be really engaged in learning about the bible. I was
never sure where Kylie was at with all of this but she was not very
approachable either. She seemed really busy with school, work, Ricky, and a big
family she is a part of. I wish I could tell you when I started to feel
differently about Kylie but I am not sure I know exactly. About a year and a
half ago, Kylie moved into the apartment on the 3rd floor of my
building. She stayed busy but talked a bit more in Lifegroup. I saw that she
was much more independent of Ricky, in a good way, than I ever gave her credit
for. Kylie is definitely someone who knows who she is and makes time for the
people in her life. I remember how she supported me during my first real
break-up. Eventually, we became closer and closer – it was so nice having a
friend in the same apartment complex. She had Lifegroup in her apartment and I
began to see how hospitable and serving she really is. I can really say that
about 9 months ago, when things around and in my life became really chaotic,
Kylie was one of the main people who made it out with me in the end – through a
series of crises with one of our other friends, through one bad decision after
another, a few good cries, and through a whole lot of laughter and joy – I was
able to stand next to her yesterday and proclaim that I will support her union
to Ricky, whom I love dearly as well. When she moved out of my apartment
complex a few months ago, I realized that I would miss her being around,
something I hadn’t anticipated before. Kylie is one of those people that I am
confident would not only find me if I went missing, and would deal with
whomever hurt me, but also the one that would get on a plane on a random day,
at a random time – not just if I needed her, but even if I refused to say I
needed her but she knew that I did, just to simply make sure I was ok. And
Kylie – even though we disagree about the best kind of music and about the
battle between the beignet vs. the pizookie, I am so very thankful for you, my
dear friend, and the friendship that we have. Thank you for all the joy you
bring to my life and those around you. I love you mucho! Let me know when you
and Ricky would like to have Max and I over for dinner. J
“there is a time for everything, and a season for every
activity under heaven: a time to be born and a time to die, a time to plant and
a time to uproot, a time to kill and a time to heal, a time to tear down and a
time to build, a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time
to dance, a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them, a time to embrace
and a time to refrain..” Ecclesiastes 3:1-5.
Green House Girls - Heather is in the middle with her face being attacked by Estelle :)
Kylie and I - 6/4/12
